24 Memories for 24

Funny me!

An evening bedtime routine turned into an impromptu photo shoot.
Growing up in SFU’s Louis Riel dorm housing when my mom and dad redid their university credentials upon immigrating was the host of various fun, candid, and also sad memories. Despite all that was going on for my parents, I cherish most the time I got to spend with them. From walking along campus for daycare to spending time with my mom in the evenings eating cherries. One night, which was also many nights, because my head was too big for certain turtleneck sweaters, the sweater got caught. I thought it was the most hilarious thing and could not stop laughing. Laughing until my belly hurt. My mom took out her heavy camera (the one you got to pop film in) and started snapping my giggles. I felt like a green sea monster and it was absolutely hilarious.

2. Daddy and me with my first awarded painting!

My first art competition and one that I won bronze in :-) This really was the start of it all. It was so surreal to see my artwork framed in Science World. I felt ecstatic to see something I had worked on for months come to life in the context of hundreds of other curated art pieces by other children like me. *I don’t look ecstatic though because I don’t think I really liked photos as a kid. Honestly, I have a photo that is just too not kind of me but we were at the beach and I was building sandcastles and my parents wanted a photo. So their friends said Xixi let’s take a photo. I was like straight up, no. But then with enough pressure, I finally stood next to them and right when the camera flashed, I closed my eyes. LOL!

3. The day, 3 turned to 4! My sister Esther coming into my life.
For the longest time I wanted a younger sister so much. I would pray every night that one day, I would. I wouldn’t say having a younger sister is the easiest thing especially as they can get away with everything and put the blame on you haha (also that haha is forced let’s be honest)! But by far, being a sister has been the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given because it’s taught me how to care, protect, advocate, and love someone so fiercely. I have become more independent, responsible, pragmatic, and kind because of it. I have so many vivid memories with my younger sister from teaching her how to ride a bike or to swim (such a euphoric feeling by the way when someone you love accomplishes something they want to do so bad) or watching her perform at violin recitals. But some of the most precious moments include watching her do very strange things such as chewing things she finds on the ground or using her sharp nails to claw at my face when I used to hold her. The funniest thing I remember was when she just came out of the hospital and she would scrunch her face and it became all red and she would just not stop crying. My nana and I put her on a pillow and then would rock her to quiet her down. Like literally, my nana and I were the pillars of the swing! The pillow was the seat. Can you imagine? Wild! Fun!

4. Building a snowman for the first time!

This is more of a metaphor for times in my childhood when I was able to build things! I would lug home 20 books every week from the libraries and just read on how to build or understand the things around me. I would be the plumber in the house literally and the IT fixer. Got to say I was a pretty damn good fixer. Ahhh wow, my childhood was so fun in the natural elements of playing with the sun and with mud.

5. A vivid memory I’ll always have etched in my mind was when I was 7 and it had been a few weeks since my sister had been born. My mother had gotten back from the hospital and was feeling much more like herself again. Life was hard then financially and I don’t remember many times when my parents smiled because of how difficult it got. Being a pretty independent kid, I took care of myself and went to the park or got groceries too. But one evening after dinner, my mom decided that our grandparents and cousin’s family could do the dishes and she took me to the park in our neighbourhood. It was a warm summer evening and it was just after sunset when the orangey pink colours begin to recede into indigo. She looked at me and said, “ Do you want to run?” I didn’t have to answer, I undid the straps of my sandals and she did too. We held hands and ran through the grass with our toes squishing through some parts of dampened mud and fallen away grass. Out of breath once we got to the otherside of the field, she told me, “ When I was a kid, I loved to walk barefeet in grass because I felt like a queen walking on the most precious velvet of the earth.” I always come back to that moment when I slip off my shoes sometimes and walk in the grass.

6. Losing my 2 y/o sister at the park when I was 9.

A formative event that taught me that life can change in the blink of an eye. So grateful forever to Angela and Cici for being there with me for the next three hours as I looked for her around the neighbourhood. It seemed that during my time being “it” playing Grounders, my sister had walked off with her baby sitter… I got to a very bad place in my head after reading too many books when I thought she had been kidnapped and sold into the black market. That’s why your girl looks so much older than 24 (though seriously, this event changed everything for me and is why I exude ‘safe than sorry’ vibes). I gotta be more like the young ones and let loose!

7. Choosing to become baptized in 2011. I don’t think I truly grasped God’s love for me until a series of unfortunate and unexpected health events and losses that would come imminently after. But by far, a top moment of my life was to commit in this way because I know for certain, I would not have survived all of that without Him. Each day is a reckoning and an opportunity for a new discovery of who Jesus is and His love for all of us. Like life, the Christian journey is full of ups and downs and some days I struggle with navigating all the complexities of my own beliefs but I know now that the gravity of my relationship with Jesus is stronger than the aberrations.

8. My grandfather’s passing in 2014.

Growing up with my grandfather in Surrey, BC, I got to spend a few years with him running along green fields with my cousin, going to the grocery market with my nana, and learning some basic Chinese but then I even got frustrated with myself! He had to leave shortly after my younger sister was born due to stomach pain. We eventually learned that it was cancer. The last time I got to see him was when I was 12. My second to the last trip to China during my year of the tiger, which made it all the more special.
The news of his death came to me when I was doing a STEM summer program called Shad at the University of Waterloo.
I think the aftermath of that experience was bittersweet because I began to question at what cost my own strivings came at. So many times my grandparents had asked when I would go visit them and I would always say “next summer!” I would spend my summers doing camps, studying for the next year, or volunteering for extracurriculars thinking that I had all the time in the world left to spend with the people I love. But I learned at 16 that no, you can **never** take time for granted.

9. El Trapiché, Nicaragua.

In 2014, after some years of fundraising and leading a Free the Children chapter at my highschool, I had the opportunity to visit the school that we had been working towards building. It took some time through my social science degree to reconcile what we had worked so hard for with an understanding that the trip was a type of voluntourism. However, at the time, I remember how memorable the two weeks were. It was the first time I experienced a different culture albeit through a very structured and conditioned format but it was a moment of confronting my privilege and luxuries that I had growing up.
Beyond that I remember the distinctiveness of the flora and fauna. I was enraptured by the black sand near the Nicaraguan coast. And one evening when I lay on a log on the beach next to the ocean, I turned my eyes up towards the brilliant moon periodically shielded by large cumulonimbus clouds. The ocean was thundering. The waves crashed violently onto the shore but as they receded, the trail scent of mist would brace my face and there was calm before gravity started the next cycle of cascades once again.

10. Health things!

I feel like this is something that I talk about with close friends so many times that it’s just too much like ‘we get it Cecilia.’ But I can’t even begin to underscore how pivotal the events from 2014-2017 were with my unexplainable medical diagnoses. My world was flipped upside down and I felt everything I had worked so hard for collapsing around me. I learned what it meant to have placed my identity in things that are so fleeting and what it meant to have sought affirmation through good grades and societal metrics of success. The process of watching my life and my health break again forced me to get up more than I got pushed down. I pitied myself and I was bitter. I was angry at the world and myself. I became someone who I didn’t want to be for a while but through that process of brokenness, I found what it was like to begin truly accepting myself for all the good and bad parts of me. Because of that journey I can love myself in spite of my flaws and in spite of how terrible I might have thought I was. I would never wish what happened to me on anyone and it was truly the most excruciatingly physical and emotional pain I experienced to the point I did not want to feel or experience anything ever again…and a lot of this has already been said but I don’t know if I could have gotten through the emotional healing process I did without my second surgery in 2017. This was a reflection I wrote in France when I was solo-travelling in the French Riveria, I couldn’t have said it better myself ;)

So... sometimes something in your life breaks and in the process of hastily putting it back together, you don’t realise that when it breaks a second time, it’s actually a blessing in disguise because this time, this second tragedy gives you another opportunity to get it right. to start over the mending process but to heal properly.

I also read a lot of Hemingway growing up and during that time in and out of the hospital… I don’t know if that was the best emotional medicine as if you have read Hemingway, it can be quite depressing and dark. However, I greatly appreciate one of my favourite quotes from his book A Moveable Feast, where he says « You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintry light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. In those days, though, the spring always came finally; but it was frightening that it had nearly failed » E.H.

When I initially read Hemingway and this quote, I could not understand the significance of his prose but as time passed, I began to comprehend the meaning within the context of my life. I think that’s the beauty of good art is that it goes beyond making you feel something but it provides you the liberty and creativity to interpret and to learn. I think this quote in the context of my health journey was coming to the realization that beauty and pain were symbiotic and perhaps the point of life wasn’t just pleasure but it was coming to find an acceptance of pain. A question I often think about is would life still have meaning without pain? Would it still be beautiful?

*P.S. I do a better job of explaining this in my “five years” blog which also has a Ted x Sciences Po talk I gave (discusses this host of memories) and as always one of my favourite creative non-fiction pieces I wrote for UBC’s Ubyssey!

11. Food!

Those close to me know how much joy I have waking up in the morning in terms of making my breakfast. I have so many choices and love to jump out of bed after a glass of lemon water and vitamins, to eat THE BEST MEAL OF THE DAY. Period. So this love for food stemmed from childhood because the highlights of daycare = snack time.
The photo on the right was taken with my childhood bestie Eric. My fingers were so sticky as we had just made a snack of vanilla and chocolate pudding. If you peer closely at the photo you might notice a smudge of chocolate pudding on my left cheek.

The snack combos our daycare made were top notch. Let me confide in you with some secrets. So, you put a popsicle stick into Minigo yogurts and pop them in the freezer. Boom! You cut some cheddar slices and pop them on Triscuits and then toast them, heaven! You cut up some celery sticks and dip them in Ceasar dressing (or if no allergies, put some peanut butter with raisins and you have ants on the logs). Dang, I’m getting hungry as I type this out. Ooh even freezing blueberries or grapes, just let the flavours pop!

This photo was memorable because I think it captures my childlike wonder, my goofiness, and my ability to tap into imagination and fun. Yes, even though I look pretty serious and act pretty serious, I’m actually a strange goofy person :P

*I also wrote a creative non-fiction piece I was sort of proud of called ‘Dear Appetite’ from a while ago. Sort of an encapsulation of memories 10 + 11.

12. High school graduation and giving the valedictorian speech!

This was a symbolic culmination of all that I pushed myself through. I came into high school—scared and anxious. After being extensively bullied at the tail end of elementary, I lived in an intense fear that something like that would happen again. As a kid, I was confident and loud but as a young teen, I was shy and so unlike myself (which, is a true ENFJ through and through). I will never forget my Gr. 8 Humanities teacher Ms. Rakkar who instilled in me, confidence. She would encourage me with my work and introduced me to my amazing mentor Mr. Pocock, who would change everything! In fact, much of my passion for the social sciences and my volunteer work was catalyzed by their dedication to their community and what they taught: History and Social Studies. A s/o to all teachers because they are so formative in how we grow up and begin to explore the world.

The tail end of Gr. 8 saw me pushing myself to do the things that scared me. I was terrified of public speaking because I was afraid of how people would perceive me. I was afraid of people looking at me when I was bullied for the way I looked. But after various washroom trips due to nervousness, I would eventually build up the nerve to go to mathematics competitions, debate club, to Model UN, to the school newspaper meetings, to Student Council, etcetera! I still sometimes plan what I will say but I no longer feel the intensity of fear when I’m speaking to people or speaking in front of people. From leading and helping plan various meetings or events, the repetitiveness of putting myself outside of my comfort zone helped ease my fear of trying new things or talking to new people. I really owe that to my time in high school and having such incredible teachers. I still remember Gr. 8 orientation and watching the Student Council president address all of us. Who knew that five years later, it would come full circle with me standing in a gymnasium in front of the school as co-president and giving a commencement address to almost two thousand people? I never thought I could. But I did!

13. Living in Toronto

When I was 18 I moved to Toronto for school! It was the first leaving the nest and wow, did it grow and challenge me. It felt like I was experiencing a whole new world of opportunity and I felt on top of the world. The energy of the city and the people I came to meet were so incredibly supportive. It all seems like such a blur now that I think of it but that move was a moment of triumph and sheer exploration. While I still find my bearings as an adult, I felt like that journey to and in Toronto were the first steps into young adulthood. I felt like I bloomed there and got to grow in my relationships. Some of which I still maintain today ft. my besties and my two prof mentors Dr. Clarke and Dr. Fitzgibbon! They bring me so much joy <3

14. Living in Paris!

No words can do Paris justice. And I’ve spent a lot of time trying to -> here in my love letter to Paris. If I could say one thing beyond “les gens sont très gentilles” is that I am super grateful for my previous boss who introduced me to her cousin living in Paris. Hillary was such an incredible support system and helped me navigate the French bureaucracy and all things France basically. There are more than 24 memorable memories for Paris but the biggest thing is that it taught me about living in the present moment and not glancing over the simple things.

"It was those small moments that made that time living in Paris, the best of my life. What does it feel like to live each moment, completely fixated in the present? To not be caught up in the past or to feel pressure from the unknowing future. Despite, not knowing anyone in the city before going, I found trinkets of things to hold onto. The kind people who would teach me French, give me directions, or treat me to food over the course of certain solo travelling trips. No matter how much of a rush my French friends were in, whether on their way to the metro or to catch a class, they always gave me la bisous and that was plenty of love and time for me in a given day.

Strolling mindlessly through Le Marais or climbing the wobbly streets of the Montmarte, it felt like time transcended into forever. Knowing that my time would come to an end during my last weeks, seemingly kept the days constant; time felt the same for the most part. Until the last evening before my day of departure where I felt time would never be enough in the sense that I could live in this magical haze for the rest of my days and never feel replenished for a thirst I had never experienced before.

As Hemingway says, if one is so lucky as to have lived in Paris in their young adult years, Paris will be like a moveable feast! Indeed, I still feast on the memorable memories and lessons I’ve learned from France, its people, and its streets. Two key ones are to be present in the moment and to not see taking care of yourself/ enjoying life as an indulgence. Until next time, mon amour. À bientôt ~

15. By far the worst nightmare of my life turned into an even worse nightmare. Before leaving on exchange, I had planned and prepared for some contingencies related to my health history to ensure that if I ever did need to go into the emergency room or ICU, I could provide my history in French. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would need to when I was on a few day’s spring break visit to Italy. Solo travelling to Venice, Florence, and then meeting up with friends later in Rome I was by myself without much command of the Italian language when I felt terrible chest pain. While I was so very fortunate to have friends who were still awake at the time to chat with me and an Italian ER doctor who couldn’t understand very much what I was saying, with some Google translating and some drawing on a paper, I could see that as they went through the x-ray and other typical procedures I had back home, I became much more relieved. Calling insurance companies in an ER waiting room all by oneself in Florence was probably rock bottom. I was making calls and arranging matters calmly on the outside but I was overwhelmed with pain in the inside. Mostly, emotional pain that included self blame for have come on exchange at all and just for feeling so helpless and alone in that moment despite taking actions to set myself up for the best outcome. I owe my life to God because it is in the moments of self-deprecation and overwhelming sadness, it is only He who can provide strength and comfort. In that moment, all I wanted was someone to hug me so that I could let my tears roll down instead of blinking them back as I looked up at the fluorescent lighting of the hospital more times than I can count. As bleak as this moment was, I learned so much from it and continue to. That I got through the absolute worst case scenario I couldn’t have even imagined. That I have people who are filled with love and willingness to hold me through such physical and emotional pain. I am fortunate that nothing drastic happened health-wise but to Clara, Nathan, Robert, and Hillary for holding my heart thousands of miles away… I will never forget that for the rest of my life. To David for coming to the hospital on your spring break trip to help grab my things to bring back to Paris. To Yves for picking me up from CDG airport, hearing your French waiting for me in the pick up lounge was the warmest embrace I could have ever wanted in that moment. And to Tsag for not even batting an eye when it was so late just opening your door and enveloping me in a big hug in our dorm house. I live with the weight of such love and I live in that remembrance.

16. Weddings!!!

On June 18th, 2022 I got to witness my friend Wendy get married to Joe. This was my first wedding! Well, first in terms of knowing the couple getting married. I met Wendy when I moved to NYC last fall. She instantly lit up the room with her warm smile and bubbly laugh. Every Sunday when I see her at church, she is there with her loveliness and kindness ready to ask me how school is going. Despite knowing Wendy less than a year, I must say it has been one of the most comfortable processes of becoming her friend and calling her a friend. Whenever I spend time with her or am in her proximity, I feel at ease and lighthearted. To see her on her wedding day so radiant and beautiful, I was so incredibly touched. When the ceremony began and the proceedings occurred, all of us were elated. I think the moment when the vows were exchanged, many of us teared up. While I have not had the privilege of knowing both Wendy or Joe for as long as many of those in the audience did, I saw the consistency of their character in the year I did get to know them. From the commitment they had to one another and to their church, I feel immense respect and admiration. But the vows, they were touching and so funny! I love how honest they are with one another and how they want the very best for each other, together. The live band was top notch and my dreams were fulfilled when Because You Loved Me by Dion did end up playing. The food was super delicious and I was surrounded by such a lovely atmosphere of my favourite people and community. I will always be grateful for having the opportunity to discover 180 Church because of Grace and Paul.

Then on July 8th, 2022 Niv and Nikesh wed in Alexandria ON and Montreal, QC !!! This was my second wedding and it was such a special moment to see Niv who I’ve known for seven years get married. Niv has been a special friend in my life who really supported me as I navigated my difficult health challenges. Since meeting her at Canada’s Top 20 Under 20 conference in 2015, we’ve managed to maintain our long-distance friendship and catching up in Montreal, Toronto, or Vancouver. I think there was so much going on that weekend I couldn’t fully comprehend the depth of my emotions but I am so touched and happy I got to witness two beautiful and lovely people get married. Especially, seeing Niv on her happiest day, I will always cherish that moment.

17. LA Hiking (2022) with bestie Ms. Katy! Need I say more, I think both of us have said a lot in our co-written blog “Dancing in Daylight.” However, I will share briefly that there are many reasons why this batch of memories will be memorable for me. I grew up tackling different sorts of bullying and so much of my teenage and young adult years was about navigating intense insecurities and having difficulty to really let people in. While it’s easy for me to share about things that have happened to me outside of my control and to be vulnerable about my weaknesses, I do think it’s hard for me to truly trust and let down my walls. That has changed drastically in the past five years but what I will say is that Katy and many of the close friends I am so grateful to have in my life now and am surrounded and uplifted by never make me doubt that I am worthy and valued. Never. They intentionally craft out time to prioritize me as I do for them despite the hecticness and craziness of life. They make me feel that as we pour water into the sprouting bud of our friendship that it is a sacred treasure to be looked after not as an obligation but as a collaborative ritual. So it isn’t just this one moment with Katy but also many other moments that I’ve been blessed to have with my wonderful friends. A sincere s/o to Betty for our monthly FTs and our yearly in-person reunions; despite the differences in where we have lived for the past six years, I am so grateful to be 16 years and counting with you. To Eric for 17 years and counting and for our long-distance friendship since college began. Despite living hundreds of miles apart, thank you for caring for me. To Chelsea for giving me the courage to be my authentic self and for loving me as I am. I am in awe of your strength and for giving it to me when I needed it the most during the pandemic. To Gabs and Etana for empowering me in my relationship with God; understanding that we need one another to get through the ebbs and flows of our faith journey. And honestly, to so many more friends that make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

18. When I was a young girl, my first piano teacher said I would never have the talent to play at a piano competition. I had overheard her one evening after a lesson when she was chatting with my mom. I knew out of many things, the piano was something I wasn’t talented at despite my daily practice. At some point, it became more of a burden than a gift when I would see friends playing outside in the park and I, barely got through my scales or drills. It wasn’t until my mid-teenage years that I met Ms. Hollins and she completely changed my outlook of piano and approach to music. While I still put practicing piano on the back burner at times, I started appreciating what drew me to piano as a little girl. Ms. Hollins transformed my ability to play from piano as a mechanism to piano as a conduit for expressing my own emotions in conjunction with the composer’s emotions. When I performed at the Kiwanis Music Festival a few years into my time with her, I won a silver medal! It was a moment of disbelief because I struggle with self-doubt and imposter syndrome a lot. Even right now. But in that moment to be given an honour in front of my mom who was watching my performance was empowering. It spoke to the fact that sometimes it didn’t have to be about talent, if I put in the practice and did my best and got a bit lucky, I could have a moment like this. I was reminded of possibility.

19. In 2018, I started my first professional office job at PFM. In fact, after my 8-month co-op with PFM, I wrote this LinkedIn article called “Experiencing Compassionate Leadership.” I was exposed to the inner workings of the private sector, boutique consulting, and recruiting. It changed everything. The way I approached my professional and personal life. Working with those who were at least a decade to two or more older than me unleased a powerful wisdom in me. My colleagues shared life insights from their experiences and helped me uncover more who I was and who I wanted to be. Being like a family that summer and fall, I had the best space to grow and to understand personal branding. The lessons I learned from interviewing and sitting in on interviews with C suite executives continues to shape the way I learn and the way I seek to present myself to this world. And how could I not, give a s/o to all my bosses because honestly, they have all been INCREDIBLE. Period. Thank you sincerely to those who gave me my first jobs Claire and Dr. Clarke and to my previous employers Annette, Allie + the partners, and Martin. I am lucky to call you more than mentors and role models but friends. For believing in me, I am indebted always.

20. Meeting kind strangers when solo travelling! So I feel like throughout this whole blog I’ve been cheating. It’s not just one moment for each number but a host of moments. Haha! I feel there are many moments when travelling that I get to witness the kindness of humanity. Perhaps some of my favourite include:

Encountering the lovely and awesomeness of Hillary in Paris. She was honestly my guardian angel, who told me everything I needed to know. Supported me when I thought I was pick pocketed and when I was feeling stranded in the Florence ER.
Meeting a grandmother from NJ on my way to St. Paul de Vence in Southern France: we got to explore the town together as her cell service wasn’t working. I got to hear more about her life and her children and her grandchildren. We also went to a Rodin museum and eat lunch together. She was honestly so kind because she paid for the bill when I used the restroom! And then a few days later, when I was with friends at Villefranche sur Mer, I bumped into her and her husband. What are the chances honestly?
Having lunch at the dock in Antibes before heading up to the Picasso museum and a German couple started chatting with me. They were a couple who came to Antibes every year for their anniversary and had two sons around my age. We had a lovely conversation about big ideas, economics, and politics. They also paid for my meal and I didn’t even realize because they had taken care of it very quickly in French. They told me they knew what it was like to be a student and that I reminded them of their children and were very happy to have had the convo with me.
Meeting an American nurse on the Staten Island Ferry to SI during my first trip to NYC in 2017. She told me about her work and all her secret loves of NYC. She even helped take various photos of me with the Statue of Liberty in the background.
Bumping into a lovely family on my way to Monaco from a hike in Eze. As I was waiting at the train station, the young daughter started playing imaginary fairies with me and told me that I was a special princess. Honestly, I love children and it was so wholesome. Long story short, we got on the train and the parents started talking to me. I realized the dad was from Toronto! Ay! A fellow Canadian :-) He met his wife when studying in London, UK. His wife, French, had a villa in the South of France, which is where they live now. They invited me to the Formula 1 race which was occurring in Monaco as they had an extra ticket and could see their daughter taking a liking to me. It was honestly all a whirlwind, I gave them the cash I had (20 euros?) as it was the least I could do and ended up watching the race with them for the next hour. I had to leave at some point as I had worn too much. Because the Eze hike was quite high up in elevation, it was a lot chillier. The direct sunlight was too strong so I ended up saying goodbye and exploring Monaco shortly after.
Kind hikers on trails providing details of where to go!
Meeting a lovely mother - daughter duo on my Antibes hike! Read more here, as Simone and I still stay in touch from time to time ;)
*Honestly, these moments are going to be cherished but I also feel bittersweet. I know what made them special is because we were strangers but sometimes, I wish I got to spend a bit more time with these lovely humans? I only hope they’re doing well. My whole heart.

21. Having the opportunity to represent Canada at the UN YA in 2017 felt like a blur and I don’t remember much other than feeling super wide eyed as a young adult visiting nyc for the first time—which when I fell in love with, I fell fast and hard. Thie is pretty much tied into my last memory (#24). All I can say is that this trip opened me up again to all that life could offer. For much of 2017, I was dealing with recovery. Starting to walk, eat, and run again… a part of me had closed up. The trip to NYC began to open a door within me again and slowly but surely, got me to open my clenched fists again to adopt a posture of receptiveness, acceptance, and forgiveness. NYC symbolizes a lot for me.

22. I volunteered at a senior home for five years during high school. There are many memories I will cherish from that experience but I will try to recount just one. I got to become close with many of the seniors there. I miss them and I am so terribly sad I didn’t get a chance to say a proper goodbye as I eventually moved and it became harder and harder without a car to go back. At some point, I knew all the regular visitors of the coffee shop and would have their orders down to the amount of sugar and cream they liked. Technically, Vy wasn’t supposed to have any sugar and sometimes I would pretend to pour in the extra sugar packets but she always came back to me knowing that I had tried to trick her. But as I kept doing that, she started to relent and not persist as she previously would. I think she started to understand that I was looking out for her in this way. The thing was Vy couldn’t speak but over the course of those five years, I could understand her just from the sounds, expressions, and movements she made. It was like we had our own little language and every time she was so happy to show me something, she would wheel herself up to me behind the counter and check out the coffee shop store. She would try on hats or scarves and squeal in excitement as I helped her on with different outfits in the mirror. I still remember she liked the Kirkland Vanilla Hazlenut with 4 packets of sugar and 2 creams. I miss you Vy.

23. During my last four months of eight with the regional development agency of the Canadian government, I had the opportunity to serve Western Canadians during the onset of the pandemic by investigating the economic impact of COVID-19 and helping with economic policy development for COVID-19 recovery. I’ve always tried my best to be intentional about the work that I do while understanding that it isn’t always possible but by far this was some of the most impactful work I felt I could have contributed to. I won’t delve in too much as I have another blog where I dive deeper!

24. Moving into my first legit apartment in Manhattan! AHHH exciting! It happened, your girl did it. (Well, with the help of Task Rabbit, which I am thankful for as I ended up having way too many books, again…) In all seriousness, this feels pretty surreal. In two weeks, I will have been in NYC for one year and it’s a special anniversary. Over the past five years, I’ve spent almost a year in Toronto, half a year in Paris, and now a year in NYC. I still don’t know what the future holds but I’m hopeful I can start setting my roots down. I’ve always thought about what it would be like to live in NYC and in some ways, it’s really happening. I feel very blessed. Every time I go on a run in Central Park and lap the reservoir up the UES, I feel not only a runner’s high but also a groundedness of: wow. There is so much I can say about NYC and I’m going to try to capture it into words as I start the beginnings of my second year here. What I will say is that this city doesn’t sleep and yes, it can be exhilarating and downright overstimulating. But, I find it humbling. Each day to see so many people get up and hustle. And it gives me even more reminders that when the good things in my life happen, it’s not out of only my hard work but a big community and luck. It’s surreal to be able to work at the UN coming full circle after the very reason that brought me to NYC five years ago. But while I have worked hard and continue to work hard, I know it’s not completely ‘me’ that allows me to be able to live this sort of dream I still have not waken up from. It’s the people around me, it's a bit of luck, and it’s God’s grace—always.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here. For reading this. And for rooting for me even when I didn’t have it in me to root for myself. I’m here because of that. I’m here because of you.

Falling Forward

Dancing in Daylight